Please don’t be
shocked by the title of this post – it isn’t a warning for any impending
disaster, unless you count toxic people a ‘disaster’. And they might as well
be.
I just wanted to
talk about a certain ‘species’ of people, for whom I can’t think of a better
name than ‘toxic’. Have you ever had anyone at any point in your life, who
could bring you down with just one snide remark? A person, being around whom
always felt like an effort? Well, chances are that most of us have faced one or
more of such people at various stages in our lives.
A toxic person
doesn’t just harm him/herself. He harms people he meets on a daily basis as
well as those he meets one-off. She could be someone you met for a few hours on
a train journey, or she could be your grandmother. The first scenario is easy
enough to avoid, but the latter, not so much.
Such a person
doesn’t really understand or care about the impact of his words. He could be
discouraging, negative and terribly biased. It is near pointless arguing with
him, because his opinions are written in stone. He carries such an aura of
negativity around him that Tweety bird would turn into Ebenezer Scrooge.
This person can
hurt your self esteem, trivialize your feelings and make your dreams appear
unreachable or insignificant. Just having a (mostly one sided) conversation
with this person can make you feel heavy and loaded.
Of course,
avoidance is the best way out. But then, this is easier said than done when
he/she is family or someone you really can’t avoid. However, you can find a few
workarounds:
1. Try and minimize
conversation with such people. Limit your responses to ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or (even
better) ‘hmmmm’.
2. Don’t disclose
your personal goals or ambitions, they are bound to be mocked or discouraged.
3. Don’t give out
strong opinions on any subject, especially those that might be deemed
controversial by Ms. Toxic. If they offer theirs, just tune out momentarily and
think about a vacation in the Bahamas
4. Remember, such
people usually have deep insecurity issues. So don’t flaunt your achievements
in their face as well, it could make them even more bitter, which means more
negativity in their stock to spare.
Don’t forget, you don’t have to put up with their sh*t. You
have every right to live a full, peaceful, ambitious and well balanced life.
Don’t let ANYONE take that away from you.
And who am I to
give all this advice, you ask? Good question. Only I don’t have a good answer,
except that I have been in contact with a few toxic-ians till recently and
these have been my coping strategies. They’ve worked for me, so hopefully some
other suffering soul out there will find them helpful.
Image Courtesy: amazon
Tell me, have you
ever had any toxic personality in your life? How did you deal with it?
22 comments
Bradley Cooper and Bahamas...wow...nothing gets better!! You are back with a bang :D
ReplyDeleteThank you, Swarnali!! Your comment made me a happy girl :-)
DeleteOh! I know exactly what you mean. I agree with all your advices. They work. And so well.
ReplyDelete∞ © tanvii.com ∞
Thank you, Tanvi!! From your blog, I figure you've also dealt with a few such people. Way to go, girl!!
Deletethank you, am bookmarking this because i know someone so toxic that's bullying me.
ReplyDeleteI hope you deal with them the right way, dear!! Wish you loads of luck and success!!
DeleteThanks for the advice, thank god I bumped in here!!
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome!!
DeleteSigh this advice came a bit too late. I did everything wrong and suffered lots, put up with horrid behaviour when all around me where saying that I was tolerating too much and then finally decided that enough is enough. When subtle hints didn't work I had to say it directly and even then I wasn't taken seriously (but laughed at) I walked out after saying it like it is but still felt guilty. But you are right ,nothing is more important than one's peace of mind. Lesson learnt the hard way. Thanks a lot for the article.
ReplyDeleteOh Sujata, I'm glad you finally put your foot down!! And no, you don't have to feel guilty at all. Hopefully such people will realize what they're doing when they run out of people to poison.
DeleteThanks a lot.I have bookmarked your article so that I don't make the same mistake again! Maybe someday they will but in reality they blame others for not being up to their impossible high standards. one step at a time :)
Deleteoh gosh I actually have been through such people...even if we try to help them they just don't seem to ever be satisfied with our response too? I mean it is like they love to live in their misery and suck you in it too...I try to avoid intense discussion with such people because they indirectly impact us...small talks is my way to go around such kinds!!
ReplyDelete'Avoiding intense discussion' - Bang on!! That definitely is the way to get out with our sanity in tact :-)
Deletein my life..i have come across a lot of toxic people and i agree with a lot of way u say....thankfully, they dont bother me now...i can give them better than watever they give :)
ReplyDeletehttp://sushmita-smile.blogspot.in/
It's high time they got a taste of their own medicine. You go, girl!
DeleteI am in a similar situation. I have been quietly bullied by a work colleague pretending to be a friend. I decided that I would distance myself from this person, and I kept communication to a minimum. I wasn't rude, and I haven't made I scene, I just started withdrawing from conversations with this person. She has consequently launched a full scale attack, making poisonous statements on social networking sites that are not specifically directed at me (but clearly are) and talking about me behind my back. I am just ignoring it and doing nothing. I feel like if you need to make everything public and a huge issue, then that's fine but I am not childish like that and don't need others approval to vindicate my actions.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for taking such a mature stand! This person clearly fits the toxic category. She's probably lonely and insecure which made her break out when you began withdrawing. Let's hope she finds a way to deal with her toxicity
DeleteTakes all sorts to make this world!! WTG!
ReplyDeleteIt sure does, Deeba :-) Thanks for stopping by!
Deleteunfortunately people like this are in almost everyone's life. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteVery true, Shefali, although it becomes a real challenge if it's someone very close to you, one with whom you really can't break all ties with.
DeleteYES! I cannot describe to you how many TIMES I've had too many interactions with toxic people. I'm on my journey of weeding them out slowly. It's a process, especially when most of them are... ahem, family.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post! Thank you Fab!